After healing the inner child, something is missing

Dr. Sherman peered across his big oak desk at Brad, and then at Hannah. A wizened old man in thick spectacles, he had seen every misfortune that could fall on a human life, and the consequences. After a thorough evaluation backed by 40 years of psychiatric practice, he had only three words.

“Go to sleep,” said Dr. Sherman. His tone was gentle but firm.

“Go to sleep? What the hell does that mean?” says Hannah. “I brought you this poor doctor who has been bamboozled and cheated by everybody and their damn mother, and all you can say is go to sleep?” Her sharp voice cracked like a whip, causing Brad to shift forward to hear Sherman’s reply.

“Yes,” said Dr. Sherman. “That’s exactly what I mean. This young doctor had the good intention of trying to help people, and he was taken advantage of, overworked, and has been sleep deprived for more than a year. His brain chemistry is a mess, and there is no medication that will fix that. I promise if he can sleep every day without interruption, his brain will heal and that will give him the best chance of recovering.

“And how long will that take?” said Hannah. She glared at Dr. Sherman as if he was the new enemy. She had been scrambling to get the bills submitted and collect whatever money she could. She had fired two of the staff and kept one girl to run the office which was now empty of patients. Brad Rosedale’s business checking account had dropped below 5 figures.

“It might take a year. Nobody can say exactly. Brad, what are your thoughts?”

His mind was swirling with conflicts that had been triggered by the session with the shrink. The question just made him angry. He was too tired to complain, so his rational self took over. “I’m trying to even care. I’ve been pushing 24/7 as long as I can remember. Fear of failure always made me work to succeed. I failed anyway. There is nothing to be afraid of NOW, you know what I mean?” He punched out the word “now” with a growl. It was the only giveaway that things were definitely not right with his patient’s mental state.

Dr. Sherman didn’t miss it. He performed a focused suicide risk assessment, and advised Hannah that there was enough risk that the depressed doctor needed to be checked on frequently.

“No problem, I’m the one that dragged him here in the first place. I got this, doc.” She was also a recovered alcoholic and heroin addict, who years ago had fought her way back from death’s door.  Brad didn’t know that story yet. Another thing that no one knew was that Hannah was near her limit with Brad, and was fighting the thought of grabbing a brew or two that night.

She drove him back to the apartment that he inhabited since his spacious hillside home foreclosed. On the way, she stopped at Safeway and they bought some groceries. “Look mister,” she said. It was going to be a speech, he could feel it coming. She went on about her needs, what she could do for him and what she couldn’t do, and how he needed to man up and get his mind together. “Stop putting your head into a goddam mental toilet.” she finally said. Tough love, they called it. It had worked for her.

“Yeah, thanks.” was all he could say.

The months went by, and Brad slept 12-16 hours a day. Hannah had enough collections trickling in to maintain the small office. He made his appointments with Dr. Sherman who coached him about his childhood experiences. “Adverse events,” he called them, and he would say “You had one of the worst childhoods of any client in my 40 years. It’s incredible that you made it through medical school. No wonder you made so many bad choices. We will fix this.”

The day came when Brad’s inner child was healed. The traumatic childhood that Natalie and Mo had inflicted on him, no longer held him down. They were talking about music, and Brad was explaining how he was learning a Led Zeppelin riff on the guitar.

“You don’t need me anymore,” said Dr. Sherman. “We’re done. Unless you want to come in to socialize, like we’ve been doing for the last two months.”

Brad was surprised. “I think you’re right. I’m already back at work, part-time. I’m going to the gym, I’ve lost weight, and I’m sleeping 8 hours a night.   I guess I will call you if I need you.”

“I won’t be here much longer. I’m retiring in two months. I’m going to ride my bicycle from San Francisco to New Jersey.”

“Really? Wow!” Brad suddenly realized he knew nothing about Dr. Sherman, while the shrink knew more about him than anybody on Earth.  “Ok doc, well happy retirement! And, enjoy the tour,” Brad said. He shook Sherman’s hand and walked out, cured from the inner demons that had plagued him and driven him to the point of breakdown. But very soon he would feel that something was missing.

A strange memory came back as if to fill a new void. The memory of the three beings who appeared in a vision when he was 14, and said “to become square, square yourself,” now haunted him. He still no idea of what it meant, but it was time to find out. It would be his next mission.